Tuesday 2 February 2010

“You’re doing fine,” I encouraged. “Just remembered to put your weight in the middle, or you’ll collapse. Now, try and do the V-shape I was telling you about.” Ella did as I told and her gliding slowed down again, until she stopped. “How was it?” I asked her, grinning. “Wasn’t scary, right?” She rolled her eyes. “As if I would be scared of something so stupid.” “You were holding my hand really tight when we first got onto the snow.” “Yeah, well, shut up.” I smiled endearingly. “So do you think you’re ready to do it by yourself?” Ella bit her lip. “Um.” “Oh, don’t be nervous,” I laughed. “You have me, right? I’ll always be here for you.” Ella suddenly turned to me. I expected a cheerful smile, but what I saw instead shocked me. Her eyes very wide and suddenly filled with an unimaginable angst, so bright and fiery it froze me to my spot. She ripped my hands from her waist with sudden venom. “Why would you be?” she said, her voice cold. “When you don’t even like me? When you slept with Lucy?” *** Ͼ Ella Castillo Ͽ It was something so simple that had ruined the moment. I looked down at Ash’s fingers and suddenly I had a flashback. Ash’s fingers, locked around Lucy’s wrists as her skinny frame hung over his body. My mind froze. I was barely aware of the fact that I was sliding down the hill already. All I could think of was Ash’s fingers, on Lucy’s wrists. My chest constricted and my breathing hitched. Anger, sadness, desperation filled me. Suddenly, I couldn’t breathe. Memories returned to me in flashes. Oh God. I’d been so stupid, so caught up with the romanticism of the whole Paris outing, so caught up with Ash, that I’d completely forgotten that I was meant to be taking revenge on him. I’d opened my heart to Ash again and he, again, was in complete control of me. I was so damn stupid. The Billion Dollar Girl My hands beside me as I continued down the ski ramp. I was staring out at the scene in from of me, but I didn’t really see. My knees were weak, and I was no longer in the formation Ash had taught me. I didn’t realize I was moving too fast until it was too late. I vaguely heard Ash yell something from behind me, heard him struggle to put his skis back on, but I was past caring. I felt empty, hollowed out. It was as if someone had cut me open and ripped out every part of me that made me Ella. I was gone. There was a bump and I blinked, snowflakes catching in my eyelashes. Realizing I’d somehow veered out of the ski slope I’d been on, and I was no longer on the nice, smooth snow, I was speeding down on slick, hard ice. Suddenly, I was caught by a primeval panic and I desperately dug my heels down but it was no use, it was too late and I could do nothing to slow down my velocity. My skis make harsh noises against the frozen ground as the freezing cold air bit into my cheeks. My eyes watered. Some part of my brain, the part that had somehow managed to stay sane, yelled at me to do something, so anything to stop, but I was powerless. I bit down on the inside of my cheek, so hard I could taste blood, squeezing my eyes closed, suddenly grateful for my ski-goggles, feeling my blood pound in my ears. I cracked open one of my eyes, just in time to see a sudden steep slope in the ice. I lost my balance and feel forwards, smashing my head against the cold ice. With the air squeezed out of my lungs, I registered nothing but pain and surprise as I tumbled. I could feel one of my skis rip off my feet as the cruel ice smashed into the exposed parts of my face. It was over as quickly as it began. I hit something solid and hard, feet-first. There was a sickening crack and pain throbbed though my leg. Looking up at the blue sky through my cracked ski goggles, my stomach still lurching and adrenaline still running through my veins, I just breathed. Blood trickled down my cheek. Every part of me hurt so bad I felt like I could never move again. All my senses were completely over-ridden by the shock so I couldn’t be completely sure, but I think I heard someone call my name. Suddenly, the pain in my leg truly hit. I opened my mouth to scream, but the world had disappeared, replaced with black. *** ῼ Ash Castillo ῼ I followed her the way she’d gone. “Ella!” I yelled. This was a bad dream. This had to be nothing but a bad dream. Slowly, but gathering pace, I started running. “Ella!” My ski goggles chafed against my face. I ripped them off. Suddenly blinded by the pure white ice, I squinted but carried on sprinting. Already, I could hear some attendants behind us, who’d obviously seen what had happened and were going to get help. What had she meant by those words? When you don’t even like me? I thought I’d made my feelings pretty clear already. I angrily wiped my face, unsure of whether it was sweat or tears. I’d been trying to show her in this whole trip that I cared. To any rational girl, they would have seen it by now. But for someone so smart, Ella was incredible stupid. It was my fault, though, right? It was definitely my fault. I’d not told her truth when I had the chance. Maybe James had been right. Maybe I just didn’t know how to be honest to women. I knew how to talk to them, I knew how to woo them, I even knew how to please them – but did I know how to love them? As soon as I find Ella, I’ll tell her how I feel. I promised to myself that I would tell her. She had to know and I had to say it. No matter what happened, I had to tell her. I hated myself for not making sure the slopes were safe. I was so stupid. I had to apologize to her. I had to apologize to her for being such a tool when we’d first met, for trying to buy her with my money, for taking her away from her parents. It was all my fault, so it was only right for me to solve this. I finally found her, leaning against a tree stump. My heart stopped. Though I’d run all the way here, I hesitated as I walked towards her unmoving body. Oh God. Ella, please, be all right. With shaking hands, I removed her cracked goggles. Her eyes were closed and her face was pale and cold. Trembling, I gently tilted her head back and pressed my ear to her lips. The Billion Dollar Girl She was breathing. I collapsed, all the energy leaving me. Ella was alive. Thank God. Leaning over her face, my teardrops fell onto her nose as I held her close, crying with relief. *** The Billion Dollar Girl Ͼ Ella Castillo Ͽ This familiar smell. Like…raspberry and orange blossoms. I breathed in and out, utterly at peace. My bed was soft against my aching muscles. I felt numb. Calm. Comfortable. I heard a sound next to me. It was the soft sound of someone breathing. Sleeping, maybe. It was calm and slow, matching my heartbeat. I liked the sound. It made me safe. The warm fuzzy feeling clouded my mind, so much so that fatigue took over me and I felt sleepy. But then I heard a word. “Ella…” There was no way I wouldn’t recognize that voice. I would recognize it still even if all else was lost. It was Ash’s voice. He was pleading. “I’m so sorry,” I heard his whisper. His voice was now very close to my ear. “I’m sorry you’re here because of me. This is all my fault.” He took a deep, shuddering breath. “You’re had an accident because you remembered something you saw.” I frowned, trying to recall what he was talking about. But I already knew. Some part of me would never forget, but that part had kept silent, not wanting to disturb this new-found peace. “If only I’d told you the truth,” Ash sighed. “If only I’d told you before. Then this wouldn’t have happened.” I was beginning to remember. And those memories brought unwelcome pain to my paradise. “You remembered that you saw me with Lucy.” And then it all came back to me. The sound of rain and hailstones against the roof. A long shadow, coming from the bed. Ash and Lucy, locked together in an embrace. My eyes snapped open and I shoved Ash away from me. “Shut up,” I cried. “I don’t want to hear it.” I tried to slide off the bed, tried to get away, but even as I did, a hot flash of pain ran through my leg. I looked down and saw that it was in a cast. Then I remembered the snapping sound I’d heard when I’d fallen down the ice. “Careful,” Ash said, rushing forward to steady me, but I waved him away before he could touch me. I forced myself off the bed, gritting my teeth against the pain. I leant against the walls to avoid putting weight on my injured leg. I tried to take a step, but it was unsteady. “What are you doing?” he demanded, angrily. “I’m leaving,” I snapped, taking another step towards the door. I didn’t recognize the room, but I guessed that we were in a hotel. A fireplace blazed in the corner, hot against my exposed skin. I looked down and realized I was wearing nothing but a t-shirt and a pair of shorts. I tested my broken leg and it wobbled. I swore. “Don’t be ridiculous,” he retorted, grabbing my arm. I tried to shake it off, but he held on tight. Even now, even after he’d done so much to hurt me, the feeling of his hand against my bare skin made my knees melt. “You can’t leave in this state. Ella, stop being stupid. Ella. Will you look at me!” I turned to him, tears rolling down my cheeks. Ash stared at me, his ocean blue eyes unreadable. Suddenly, I felt pathetic. “Don’t touch me,” I whispered, sobbing silently. “Don’t touch me, you…stupid…son of…” “Ella…” Ash said, very gently. “What’s –?” I glared up at him. “What’s wrong? Are you serious? Are you really going to ask me that?” Ash’s face crumbled. “Ella,” he said, his voice unsteady. “Please let me explain about Lucy.” He was going to do it. He was going to tell me that he never really liked me, that I was over-reacting, that he didn’t think we were serious. Panic gripped my soul. I pushed him away, savagely, with a sudden abandon that shocked even me. “Do you really want to know what’s wrong, Ash? I’ll tell you!” I screamed. “It’s you! It’s the way you are! The way you look at me, like I actually mean something to you. The way you smile at me, as if you care. The way you make me feel, like I’m finally not alone. Ash, can’t you see?” I pleaded. “Can’t you see what you’re doing to me? I’m going insane, imagining you with her, your arms around, kissing.” My voice broke down and I was reduced to sobbing weakly into my hands. “And you don’t even like me,” I whispered. I’d lost the fire that had filled me only moments before. Now, I just felt cold. “And why should you, when I’m not important, rich or even remotely pretty? I’m nothing compared to a girl like her. Look at me, Ash. Do you like playing with my emotions? Is this…is this fun to see? I hate you, Ash Castillo, I hate –” The Billion Dollar Girl Ash grabbed me roughly and pulled me into his arms. Tears trickled from my eyes as I continued to cry soundlessly. I tried to push him away, but I was already lost in Ash’s embrace. My resistance faded. I couldn’t help it. There was something in Ash’s arms I could find nowhere else. “Let go…” I mumbled weakly, trying to pull away. But Ash held me fast, like a drowning man holding onto a piece of driftwood. Eventually I gave up and let Ash hold me, my heart slowing down to a normal, calm pace. Then Ash leaned away slightly, though his arms still remained around me. He looked into my eyes. I blinked, shocked. Ash’s eyes were shining, brimming with tears. “Oh, Ella…” he whispered. I’d never heard him sound so broken, so guilty before. “You never gave me a chance to explain.” The breath caught in my throat. “I wasn’t true, Ella. I never did anything with Lucy. I would never have betrayed you, Ella.” Ash stared at me. “Can you believe me?” Tears formed in my eyes and trickled into my messy hair. There was no denying the truth in his wide eyes. “Ash…” I breathed, shocked. “I…” “I love you, Ella,” Ash implored, staring into my eyes in a way that made me feel like I was on fire. Suddenly, looking into his light irises was like staring into the sun. It was like he was seeing me, all of me, all the way to my naked soul. “I love you more than you can even imagine. I loved you since the moment I saw you, in that moonlit gym. I loved you when we stood in the chapel, saying our vows. I loved you when you screamed that you hated me on the Brooklyn Bridge. And I love you even more now. All my life, I’ve been isolated and lonely, trying to find empty happiness in the money and possessions, but now… Ella, you’ve taught me…you’ve taught me how to love.” His lips were mere inches from mine. My heart thudded, my mind completely blank as I listened to the torrent of passionate speech issuing from his lips. “I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever done to you. I’m sorry for the contract, I’m sorry for manipulating you into doing that deal with your grandparents, I’m sorry for not explaining about Lucy. You’ve done so much for me, yet I only hurt you. That’s going to change Ella. From this moment on, I promise to treat you right. I promise to make you happy, every second of every day. I promise to uphold the wedding vows I took because though I may not have meant them then, I mean them now. You are everything to me Ella, and if you ever left me, I would chase you to the end of the earth, for the rest of my life, if that’s as long as it takes.” Ash paused, to catch his breath. When he spoke again, his voice was soft. “Ella, I love you. Please forgive me?” I looked into his burning blue eyes and smiled. There was no way I could lie to him, not when he was staring at me like that. “Yes.” Ash leaned down and kissed me. This was nothing like the short passionate kisses we’d had before. This was slow and genuine, as is we had all the time in the world. The fire started off as a tiny spark my chest. Then it built up, bigger and bigger until it was a huge explosion of fireworks in my body, mind and soul, completely dominated my Universe. I tangled my fingers into Ash’s soft hair, attacking his gentle lips in a way I would’ve found incredibly embarrassing only a few days ago. Now, I was beyond caring. I almost wanted to laugh. Ash hadn’t done anything with Lucy. He hadn’t cheated on me at all. It was a huge sense of relief, like a weight had suddenly been lifted from my shoulders. I felt like skipping, I was so deliriously happy. Ash cupped my face, his fingers sending electric shocks through my body. I felt his eyelashes tickle against my nose as he pulled me closer. He gently nibbled on my lip, making me tingle. For a change, I had him pressed against the wall, instead of the other way around. Even so, Ash was still the dominant one, his hot fingers burning against the small of my back. He pressed my body against his, molding them together perfectly. Everything inside me was on fire. Red hot heat burnt against my eyelids, so hot it almost hurt. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t move and I couldn’t even cry out. I just kissed Ash like it was the only thing I knew. The Billion Dollar Girl Ͼ Ella Castillo Ͽ This familiar smell. Like…raspberry and orange blossoms. I breathed in and out, utterly at peace. My bed was soft against my aching muscles. I felt numb. Calm. Comfortable. I heard a sound next to me. It was the soft sound of someone breathing. Sleeping, maybe. It was calm and slow, matching my heartbeat. I liked the sound. It made me safe. The warm fuzzy feeling clouded my mind, so much so that fatigue took over me and I felt sleepy. But then I heard a word. “Ella…” There was no way I wouldn’t recognize that voice. I would recognize it still even if all else was lost. It was Ash’s voice. He was pleading. “I’m so sorry,” I heard his whisper. His voice was now very close to my ear. “I’m sorry you’re here because of me. This is all my fault.” He took a deep, shuddering breath. “You’re had an accident because you remembered something you saw.” I frowned, trying to recall what he was talking about. But I already knew. Some part of me would never forget, but that part had kept silent, not wanting to disturb this new-found peace. “If only I’d told you the truth,” Ash sighed. “If only I’d told you before. Then this wouldn’t have happened.” I was beginning to remember. And those memories brought unwelcome pain to my paradise. “You remembered that you saw me with Lucy.” And then it all came back to me. The sound of rain and hailstones against the roof. A long shadow, coming from the bed. Ash and Lucy, locked together in an embrace. My eyes snapped open and I shoved Ash away from me. “Shut up,” I cried. “I don’t want to hear it.” I tried to slide off the bed, tried to get away, but even as I did, a hot flash of pain ran through my leg. I looked down and saw that it was in a cast. Then I remembered the snapping sound I’d heard when I’d fallen down the ice. “Careful,” Ash said, rushing forward to steady me, but I waved him away before he could touch me. I forced myself off the bed, gritting my teeth against the pain. I leant against the walls to avoid putting weight on my injured leg. I tried to take a step, but it was unsteady. “What are you doing?” he demanded, angrily. “I’m leaving,” I snapped, taking another step towards the door. I didn’t recognize the room, but I guessed that we were in a hotel. A fireplace blazed in the corner, hot against my exposed skin. I looked down and realized I was wearing nothing but a t-shirt and a pair of shorts. I tested my broken leg and it wobbled. I swore. “Don’t be ridiculous,” he retorted, grabbing my arm. I tried to shake it off, but he held on tight. Even now, even after he’d done so much to hurt me, the feeling of his hand against my bare skin made my knees melt. “You can’t leave in this state. Ella, stop being stupid. Ella. Will you look at me!” I turned to him, tears rolling down my cheeks. Ash stared at me, his ocean blue eyes unreadable. Suddenly, I felt pathetic. “Don’t touch me,” I whispered, sobbing silently. “Don’t touch me, you…stupid…son of…” “Ella…” Ash said, very gently. “What’s –?” I glared up at him. “What’s wrong? Are you serious? Are you really going to ask me that?” Ash’s face crumbled. “Ella,” he said, his voice unsteady. “Please let me explain about Lucy.” He was going to do it. He was going to tell me that he never really liked me, that I was over-reacting, that he didn’t think we were serious. Panic gripped my soul. I pushed him away, savagely, with a sudden abandon that shocked even me. “Do you really want to know what’s wrong, Ash? I’ll tell you!” I screamed. “It’s you! It’s the way you are! The way you look at me, like I actually mean something to you. The way you smile at me, as if you care. The way you make me feel, like I’m finally not alone. Ash, can’t you see?” I pleaded. “Can’t you see what you’re doing to me? I’m going insane, imagining you with her, your arms around, kissing.” My voice broke down and I was reduced to sobbing weakly into my hands. “And you don’t even like me,” I whispered. I’d lost the fire that had filled me only moments before. Now, I just felt cold. “And why should you, when I’m not important, rich or even remotely pretty? I’m nothing compared to a girl like her. Look at me, Ash. Do you like playing with my emotions? Is this…is this fun to see? I hate you, Ash Castillo, I hate –” The Billion Dollar Girl Ash grabbed me roughly and pulled me into his arms. Tears trickled from my eyes as I continued to cry soundlessly. I tried to push him away, but I was already lost in Ash’s embrace. My resistance faded. I couldn’t help it. There was something in Ash’s arms I could find nowhere else. “Let go…” I mumbled weakly, trying to pull away. But Ash held me fast, like a drowning man holding onto a piece of driftwood. Eventually I gave up and let Ash hold me, my heart slowing down to a normal, calm pace. Then Ash leaned away slightly, though his arms still remained around me. He looked into my eyes. I blinked, shocked. Ash’s eyes were shining, brimming with tears. “Oh, Ella…” he whispered. I’d never heard him sound so broken, so guilty before. “You never gave me a chance to explain.” The breath caught in my throat. “I wasn’t true, Ella. I never did anything with Lucy. I would never have betrayed you, Ella.” Ash stared at me. “Can you believe me?” Tears formed in my eyes and trickled into my messy hair. There was no denying the truth in his wide eyes. “Ash…” I breathed, shocked. “I…” “I love you, Ella,” Ash implored, staring into my eyes in a way that made me feel like I was on fire. Suddenly, looking into his light irises was like staring into the sun. It was like he was seeing me, all of me, all the way to my naked soul. “I love you more than you can even imagine. I loved you since the moment I saw you, in that moonlit gym. I loved you when we stood in the chapel, saying our vows. I loved you when you screamed that you hated me on the Brooklyn Bridge. And I love you even more now. All my life, I’ve been isolated and lonely, trying to find empty happiness in the money and possessions, but now… Ella, you’ve taught me…you’ve taught me how to love.” His lips were mere inches from mine. My heart thudded, my mind completely blank as I listened to the torrent of passionate speech issuing from his lips. “I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever done to you. I’m sorry for the contract, I’m sorry for manipulating you into doing that deal with your grandparents, I’m sorry for not explaining about Lucy. You’ve done so much for me, yet I only hurt you. That’s going to change Ella. From this moment on, I promise to treat you right. I promise to make you happy, every second of every day. I promise to uphold the wedding vows I took because though I may not have meant them then, I mean them now. You are everything to me Ella, and if you ever left me, I would chase you to the end of the earth, for the rest of my life, if that’s as long as it takes.” Ash paused, to catch his breath. When he spoke again, his voice was soft. “Ella, I love you. Please forgive me?” I looked into his burning blue eyes and smiled. There was no way I could lie to him, not when he was staring at me like that. “Yes.” Ash leaned down and kissed me. This was nothing like the short passionate kisses we’d had before. This was slow and genuine, as is we had all the time in the world. The fire started off as a tiny spark my chest. Then it built up, bigger and bigger until it was a huge explosion of fireworks in my body, mind and soul, completely dominated my Universe. I tangled my fingers into Ash’s soft hair, attacking his gentle lips in a way I would’ve found incredibly embarrassing only a few days ago. Now, I was beyond caring. I almost wanted to laugh. Ash hadn’t done anything with Lucy. He hadn’t cheated on me at all. It was a huge sense of relief, like a weight had suddenly been lifted from my shoulders. I felt like skipping, I was so deliriously happy. Ash cupped my face, his fingers sending electric shocks through my body. I felt his eyelashes tickle against my nose as he pulled me closer. He gently nibbled on my lip, making me tingle. For a change, I had him pressed against the wall, instead of the other way around. Even so, Ash was still the dominant one, his hot fingers burning against the small of my back. He pressed my body against his, molding them together perfectly. Everything inside me was on fire. Red hot heat burnt against my eyelids, so hot it almost hurt. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t move and I couldn’t even cry out. I just kissed Ash like it was the only thing I knew.

1 comment:

  1. you stole the story you son of a bitch stop lying the date on the blog and the time stamp in the url is different.

    go fucking do sonething with you're own imagination and stoping using someone elses

    ReplyDelete